I’ve never understood why I can drop sackful after sackful of any old rubbish into a council skip at their so-called ‘recycling centres’ (dunno why they call ‘em that when everyone knows the garbage gets shipped off to China to end in a tip) but if I attempt to drop off two planks of a kitchen cupboard the jobsworths come out of their huts and blow a gasket.

‘Can’t drop that off here mate, have to charge you. And what’s that in the back of your motor, looks like a bag of plasterboard, tut-tut, we don’t take that here.’