I’m a simple geezer and them politicians are always pulling the wool over our eyes to cover up their cock-ups hence why I wouldn’t trust them to run a whelk store – but you’ve got to admit they’ve really pulled a blinder with this so-called levelling up.

Firstly no one has a clue what it means except it sounds like it must be a good thing since it’s got the word ‘up’ in it like it’s positive.