Now that the Royal Wedding circus and the pointless referendum are out the way, we can count up just what they cost us taxpayers, even though the country is supposed to be so broke we're having to sack lollipop ladies.

First, there's the cost of having a day off, which is all very nice if you work in some cushy number, like a council, but in the real world, like where I inhabit, it just means lost business. And don't just just take my word for it. They reckon the next set of GDP-whatever figures will be minus again, ‘cos of all the days off we've had over Easter. Then there's the cost of the wedding extras – all those coppers, the fifty grand bill for cleaning up litter afterwards, the fly-past of those wartime crates and the flash new bombers.