Gosh, I'm so worried about all these UFOs over America. I don't know if they are aliens or Chinese spies, but I do hope they don't come here. Goodness knows what would happen if we had to shoot down a balloon the size of three double deckers over the King's Road – the traffic would be chaos.

And just think how long it would take the council to clear up after that malarkey. Gosh, it took them ages and ages to deal with the fridge freezer that appeared at the end of the road – a triple double decker balloon would be beyond them.