Oh Tarquin, I'm not sure I can sit through yet another televised debate between the Conservative Party leader contenders. Yes, Rishi is jolly easy on the eye but it's all getting a little bit dull. If only they could inject some pizzazz into it…

Frankly, neither of the candidates have half the charisma of Boris. He hasn't even gone yet, and already we have reverted back to tedious talk of policies and taxes. Where is the fun, the random Latin and references to Greek mythology? Where are the parties?