Tarquin, pop your head back in the window, there's a good boy. We need to get you to your private lacrosse coaching in one piece – goodness knows we pay enough for it, without you arriving ‘sans la tête' as it were.

Gosh, our finances are stretched right now. We've only just finished paying for Christmas, Giles' new car and half-term in Gstaad. Now we've got to find the cash for summer in St Lucia and the basement extension. Seriously, life will be so much easier when the new gym and pool is installed.