It's just as well our politicians don't run Amazon, else we'd all have starved to death. We can't even let them near a whelk stall since all the whelks are stuck in a trailer at Calais, or hold a piss-up in a brewery, not since the beer's been poured down the drain and the punters barred from the boozers unless they order a three course cordon bleu meal with every pint of wallop.

The fact is our politicians have made such an utter pig's ear of everything they touch there's nothing left for them to trash. I mean, you can't meet granny and grandpa in your front room but it's fine to head down to Oxford Street with a million other shoppers and exchange clouds of halitosis over the Xmas crackers.