For the life of me I can't fathom how a government can on the one hand tell us we're so broke that they can't even afford to mow the lawns at Kew Gardens and old folk in care homes are reduced to eating porridge three times a day, and yet on the other we're spending umpteen squillion on a new railway to cut off 20 minutes from London to Brum.

If we didn't have this bleedin' railway presumably all this dosh could go into sommat useful like less taxes, or maybe even get the streets swept from time to time or, perhaps not have to lie around on a trolley for hours on end waiting to get your gallstone removed ‘cos the queue to the op theatre is stretching down the road.