Now we've ditched the extra tax to pay for looking after all the wrinklies we need another plan. I mean, it's no use the Government just saying they'll find the money somehow – see what that did. What's needed is a sensible plan, not how can we chuck even more squillions at the old folk, but how we can chuck less at them.

So here's my idea. Everyone's living too long so they've got to pop their clogs early. Sack all the health nannies for a start which will save millions, increase booze limits to 50 units a week, hand out free fags, litres of Coke and packets of lard at every GP surgery to anyone over 55 and put kebabs and chips on the NHS for all those over 60.